


Letters

by Beccafiend



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 07:56:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11963064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beccafiend/pseuds/Beccafiend
Summary: "You once said I should write to you if I ever needed to talk, but couldn’t. That offer better still stand."





	Letters

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this around the time my father passed away, and I just needed to work through some grief with Sanzo. It did actually help a lot. And I'm still pretty pleased with it. At this point I had a few AUs where I'd killed Kou so it worked out well. It's a bit of a different format than usual.

Kou,

You once said I should write to you if I ever needed to talk, but couldn’t. That offer better still stand.

Just don’t expect me to sign these, or anything. You already know who it is.

 

**

 

Kou,

I never realized how big our bed was. Weren’t you always on top of me by morning.

 

**

 

Kou,

It’s cold. Where are you when I could actually use you, dammit.

 

**

 

Kou,

I miss you. You weren’t supposed to die first. Not this early. Goddamnit.

 

**

 

Kou,

Nothing smells like you anymore. I haven’t seen any of your hair while vacuuming. Why does it feel like losing you again.

 

**

 

Kou,

I found some of the your recipes you used to leave me for the kids. I had to scale down the amounts for just one person instead of two vacuum cleaners. I was going to send Hakkai to do the shopping but it’s not worth it. I’ll stick to microwave dinners.

 

**

 

Kou,

I think they know. No, I know they know. They learned to nag from you. They weren’t this bad before you showed up. They’re even worse now that you’re gone.

 

**

 

Kou,

It's Lirin’s birthday today. The three of us went out to dinner. Even past the growing stage they eat a ton. That's the only gift they’re getting this year. It’s not cheap.

 

**

 

Kou, 

Gojyo almost found your letters. I’ve moved them since then, so he won’t find them. Damn nosy bastard.

 

**

 

Kou,

I found your bottle of cologne you lost a few months back. It’s still good. For now.

 

**

 

Kou,

I picked up a bottle of that body wash you use at the store. It gave me a rash, and it doesn’t smell right on me. Too late to return it now. The bottle is still in the shower.

 

**

 

Kou,

Happy birthday. I dragged Gojyo out for Indian food for lunch. It was that place you said you went to with Dokugakuji sometimes. It kinda reminded me of what you make, but heavier on the spices. I can see why you like it so much. It was an alright break from microwave meals and leftover takeout. Company could have been better, but he was the only one available at the time.

It’s his payback for coming to visit during the day as often as he does. If he’s going to bother me anyway, might as well make himself useful.

 

**

 

Kou,

You’ll be happy to hear Gojyo is shit at Wii bowling. It’ll be a while before he even comes close to your score. Too bad you aren’t that good at actual bowling.

 

**

 

Kou,

It's Goku’s birthday today. He insisted on having us over for dinner. It wasn't bad, either. He's lucky to have found someone good at cooking.

 

**

 

Kou,

Remember the time I sent you roses?

Your reaction was totally worth it.

 

**

 

Kou,

Happy anniversary. Dumbass.

 

**

 

Kou,

I hope you liked the flowers I left. It’s not like me, but I needed to do something today. I know how you were about anniversaries. Knowing you, you’d get emotional about it.

It’s already been a year.

 

**

 

Kou,

They found the letters. Hakkai won’t stop asking. He was making that face he does when he doesn’t approve but is finding the best way to say it. They should’ve left well enough alone. It’s none of their damn business.

 

**

 

Kou, 

The kids came to visit today. No matter how much they grow, I can’t not see the brat-faced middle schoolers they used to be. You know, back when they were still a little cute. They’re still brats, but maybe we haven’t done such a bad job on them.

 

**

 

Kou,

It's been a while. I know you can't read these, but I don't like leaving things unfinished. I know you'd want to know, anyway. The kids are fine. They miss you like hell, but they're going to be okay. They have their lives, and they're doing well.

I miss you too. You would probably already know. There were a lot of years between us. It’s not easy.

I’ll be okay. Eventually. I know that’s what you’d want to hear. I’m not sure you believed me at the end. I don’t know if I did. But none of you troublesome fuckers let me get that far.

Don’t worry. I’ll be okay.


End file.
